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I had been unable to accept the loss of Becky, and I had begun to work out a way to make it 'acceptable' to me. I sat down on the toilet and cried.I was losing my wife, the one person I truly loved and needed in my life, and I had been acting like a fool. I had gotten caught up in my own misery and miserable plan, all at the expense of my wife's last days. I was making her last days about as bad as I could, and I hadn't seen it. I felt about as low as I ever had at that moment. How could I make this up to Becky now?Not only that, Samantha had just shown me that she cared about Becky more than I did. She had been here, of her own free will, staying with us in case we needed anything. She had been there for Becky while I had been off working out my plan. I was ashamed of myself. What I had become I had done on my own. Now I had to fix things, if I could.I had also been suspicious of them both. I was sure, right up until now anyway, that they had some crazy scheme cooked up to take care. With that, she led me back to the bedroom. She sat me on the bed and sat beside me, still holding my hand. I tried to blurt out an apology, but I could only stammer. Bev now took my hand into both of hers. She just stared at me. To my surprise, she did not appear to be upset. Actually, it seemed that she was trying to calm me down. And I did calm down a bit. All the while she just stared at me, patting my hand to reassure me. When my shaking stopped and my breathing returned to normal, she spoke. "Why are you so afraid?" "Um … because of what I did." "Did you do something bad?" "I think so …well, yes." "Was it bad because you were being sneaky?" "Yes." "Because you were taking advantage of me?" "Yes." "Because you were doing things to me while I was asleep" "Uh huh." With that, she let go of my hand and hugged me, her hands seeming to press me into her nakedness. When she looked at me again, she was smiling warmly. "Adam? You don't have to feel bad because of what you.
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